Lighter Side: Damn the Dots!
BY A. A. RAVOOF
The Americans sent man to the moon and the Russians rockets. In India, the price of rice and other essentials is shooting skyward, and the sky seems to be the limit. In the face of much adverse if the Indian citizen circling him from all directions, keeps smiling and has not embarked on anything drastic, it should be because he agrees with the Mahatma who said: “Had I not been gifted with a sense of humour, I would have committed suicide long ago.”
The common man in India is so much seized with the problem of making both ends meet that he neither gets the head nor the tail of the rupee-tail nor the tail of the heavy financing, inflation and demonetisation. All this economic jargon is Greek and Latin to him.
One need not chastise him for his ignorance. If he errs, he does so in good company. At least one Finance Minister of Britain, in seeing the decimal point in the budget speech that he was expected to present before the House of Commons, explained: “What are these damned dots?”
Ignorance is Bliss!
So, when the Finance Minister of a great country could afford to be blissfully ignorant of the elemental thing in mathematics like the decimal point, what if the common man in India is lacking in the knowledge of high finance? Where ignorance is bliss, it is folly to be wise.
Time there was when borrowing was taboo. Shakespeare said: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend.” But nowadays, it has become a must to borrow from bank, an overdraft, from money-lenders on promissory notes or from friends on payable/non-payable basis. If one borrows in hundreds, he is considered influential; if it is in thousands, he is a go-getter; if the figure runs into lakhs, he is a business tycoon; and, if one borrows in crores, be sure, it can be done but the government in the recent times, the Government borrows freely not only from its own subjects but from other governments, provided “iron strings are attached”, whatever that expression may mean.
Secret of Success
Everyone wants to get rich, but how many have the knowhow? An inquisitive young man was curious to know how his millionaire neighbour made his fortune. It was just after darkness had set in that the boy met him and wanted to know the secret of his success. “It’s a long story, my boy”, said the old man, “and before I begin it, will you mind if I put out the light?” What he wanted to convey was there was no need to waste electricity. But he was a small thing but what the successful businessman wanted to convey was that if you take care of the paisa, the rupees will take care of themselves.
Reducing the wastage to the minimum is one way of effecting economy. Nothing like living within one’s means but it all parts depending on others from A to Z. The inflation is lost and the tendency to look to the benefactor for everything comes to the fore. During the second world war, Mussolini was entirely depending on Hitler for everything, as long as the going was good, there was smooth sailing. But when the Axis Powers began to suffer reverses, Hitler found it impossible to go on pampering Mussolini. Because Mussolini had lost all the initiative, when he found himself in a mess, he wired to Hitler: "Please send food." Hitler replied: "Tighten your belts." Mussolini cabled back: "Please send belts."
Tale of Woe
One direct result of this scarcity of essential goods and growing demands is regulated supply and this leads to the formation of queues. You confront queues at bus stops, railway stations, theatres and shops of daily needs so much so that you can't get a thing done without joining the queue. It seems a certain woman of the advanced stage of pregnancy, sought admission for her tenth confinement in the maternity hospital. The lady doctor on duty, who recognised the woman, teased her saying: “Are you not ashamed to come year after year?” “Why should I?” retorted the woman. “If I don’t come, how can I get my shopping done?” Then she subjected the lady doctor to a long lecture. “The first boy waits at the bread queue; the second boy stands at the kerosene queue; the girl next to him can be seen at the queue near the milk kiosk; the next boy...” Before she could complete her tale of woe, the lady doctor had skulked away.
Smile Awhile
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Two Orders!
Salesman: “I got two orders to day.”
Second salesman: “Really? What?”
Salesman: “Get out and stay out!”
Kinds of Rice
A school teacher asked a pupil, “How many kinds of rice do we get in our country?”
“Two, Sir,” replied the pupil, “One, the blackmarket rice; the other, ration rice.”
Join the Queue !
With the queue at every turn, children are a blessing – the more, the merrier. They help you solve many an insolvable problem. But for those who are not blessed with children, standing in never-ending queues is a botheration and it gets very easily on their nerves.
One man, who was fed up with queues, decided to commit suicide by jumping from the bridge into the river. As he was nearing the point, he saw a big queue and a policeman controlling it. Just as he was about to overtake the queue, the policeman asked where he was going. The man explained that he was fed up with the queues everywhere and so had decided to jump into the river from the bridge. “You can’t do it that easy,” said the policeman, “join the queue!”
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